Manic: Raising kids, especially teenagers! The times when I just can’t do it for various reasons. The times when I need a break.
Managed: Asking…and sometimes it is about letting…my husband pick up where I fall short.
Sometimes it is because I can’t seem to find my patience, no matter how hard I look. Sometimes it is because I just don’t understand the complicated high school homework assignment. That is a very frustrating feeling! Sometimes it is because I am tired and have been pushed a little past my Mama limit. And sometimes it is because I need a fresh perspective.
Sometimes he is what she needs.
Sometimes he needs his Dad a little more than he needs me.
And for all of these times, I say thank you to my husband. Because raising kids, especially teenagers, isn’t easy.
I am reminded what my childhood gal pal’s Mom gave me when my firstborn came home from the hospital. She put the neatest little magnet in my card. All these years later I can’t find that magnet, but the words, I can never forget. It said…
Boy is that the truth.
And Fatherhood is not for sissies, either.
So moms out there…when you have had it. It is SO normal.
When you are too tired to do anymore. It happens and you are allowed to reach that point.
When you just don’t get that math equation. Don’t beat yourself up. Call in your partner. Ask the Dad. Sometimes his different point of view or unique perspective is just what the doctor ordered…and the kid needed.
It does not mean that you failed. You are entitled to take a break. You should get to check out for a bit to reboot. So let Dad take the reins. The times I have done this I also realize that I truly need to step away and go into another room. So that the Dad can really do this parenting thing without me around micromanaging. After all, I did ask him for his help.
A few years ago when my teenage son and I had a little bit of a heated argument, I called my partner in crime for a little advice. He told me that he was on his way home and that I could take a drive if I wanted to.
So I did. I met up with a good gal pal of mine. We had wine. We laughed. We compared stories.
Back home, my husband and my son had a very good conversation. When I returned my boy apologized and then we had a good talk. I also apologized to my boy for my part of our disagreement.
Because Moms are human, too.
Last night my daughter was beyond frustrated with a high school homework assignment that I also found confusing. And my 49-year-old brain just couldn’t figure it out. Of course I was tempted to feel sorry for myself and label myself a momfail.
But instead I quietly asked my husband if he could please stop what he was doing to go and help her. At first I heard arguing between the teen and the Dad, so I started to tell my kid that she needed to listen, behave and thank her father for offering to help her with this tricky homework.
And then I remembered that it is OK to let him pick up where I fall short.
So upstairs I went and I let them handle it. A while later I heard her say that it was done and that the assignment was now turned in, on time, complete and ready to go with Dad’s help. It is a different time now with online assignments that are done at home. Many projects and tests are now completed on the home computer by midnight.
Different times. Different parenting techniques required. And some are the same from the ol’ days when I was growing up.
And with this I must remind myself that it is A OK to let the Dad do some of this tricky parenting work. Let him in to pick up where I fall short.
Because I do fall short. Moms have hard days. We can not do it all. That line of thinking is a myth.
The funny thing is that we do DO it all. Much of the time. That happens instinctively as a mom, I think.
So remember to stop trying to do it all. Save your sanity. Save your strength. Take time off to recharge.
Go ahead and ask him to fill in where you fall short.
He will benefit and find this rewarding and will bond with those kids of yours.
And the really cool thing is that those kids will bond with their Dad.
And you can pour yourself a glass of wine knowing that asking for help is really not falling short at all.
It is working smart. Cuz those kids don’t come with manuals. But they do come with the best thing ever.